"Away From The Sun"

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't tell what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

I love this song...simply because it describes the way I feel most of the times.

!!WARNING!! This is probably going to be the most personal and private entry that I ever published:

I grew up as a kid who keeps his feelings to himself most of the time. I like to think of it as me being wise and being able to solve my problems all by myself. But let the truth be told!! I am an arrogant boy who is too proud of his strengths and too ashamed of his weaknesses. To tell another person that you are sad or depressed will only reveal how vulnerable you are. And for the longest time I was ashamed of that. A good friend of mine once told me that it is natural for human to show their strengths and hide their weaknesses. But aren't these weaknesses what make us human?? I should learn to open up!! But to open ur heart is not easy..especially when you have created an indestructible wall around it.

When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years back, I felt lost. Trust me, fear and uncertainty are the worst feeling you can ever feel. I didn't want to face reality...it was just too disgusting. So I created a wall around my heart... a wall so strong that it still stand till this day. I learnt not to love too much...and not too hate too much either. When she died, all I felt was numbness... no pain at all. Now I have one regret in life... I shouldn't have created that wall in the first place... I should have gotten closer to my mom.. not farther apart. But what could I have done?? The pain was simply too much to bear. One side of me keep saying.."be independent", "don't depend on your mom too much", "don't LOVE her too much???". Damn it, should have recognized the devil speaking. Till now, I still dream of her. There's this one recurring dream... my mom was alive!! the doctor said that she came back to life a few seconds after she was declared dead... that was the happiest moment in my life. How can my conscious self accept her death but not my unconscious self?? How deep is this regret??? Let myself not be misunderstood!!! I don't regret not being physically with her when she died. I regret not being EMOTIONALLY with her when she died. All I felt was numbness...

And this numbness I still feel till this day. In everything I do. How strong is this wall I built?? Could I have been that good at building walls?? Love..no longer I feel. No love...just numbness. I can't seem to break this wall myself. Is there somebody out there who knows how to break walls?? Then please..by all means, break this cursed wall I built with my very own hand. Let my heart be free... to live without regret. God,I ask you.. let me feel love... if that is too much to ask then let me feel the worst of pain. For that is better than numbness. Anything is better than...numbness...